Of the heaving bosoms and enigmatic sheikhs...

                                       

...

I've been dying to write this one, but hadn't written it yet in the fear of losing the pathetically small number of readers that I have. But you know what? Screw it.

My tryst with these books originally started by me ridiculing every aspect of them. I still do. However, curiosity won over too much sappiness induced nausea, and I read a couple of them. Next thing I knew was that the curiosity had turned into a grudging liking. Now, I won't claim to be a romantic, because I'm really not. I'm actually quite a bumbling baboon when it comes to the matters of heart. But that doesn't mean that I do not indulge in an occasional fantasy about running away to Florence and meeting a great guy who will wax endless poetry on my bushy hair and equally bushy eyebrows. But that's another story for another random post.

Harlequin, silhouette, they all have the same basic idea. The heroine, aged 18-20, is somewhat clever, almost always an orphan, which lends sympathy (and frees the woman from family obligations), thin (lithe, petite, athletic, you pick), never has bad hair days, even in extreme humidity, and is possessed with the ability to look stunning in any situation. The hero is significantly older, aged 30-40, enigmatic, 'with cool, soul searing eyes' (for some reason, the hero's eyes are always described in degrees of temperature, cool, warm, cold, you get the idea.), 'strong, rough hands' (to grope effectively? to snap the female's neck if she gets too clingy? break rocks?), he is often the heroine's employer. The couple marry or, if already husband and wife, settle their differences and make a better start.

Also, they have the cheesiest lines ever invented. For example,

"Oh Mitch! Devour me!" Maggi (2 minutes noodles) to Mitch

"I will...only if you promise to devour me first" Mitch to Maggi (noodles? no?)

teehee!

You see my point. They seem like characters from the third world countries, who haven't had a good square meal in days.

But, even with the most horrifying pick lines, hilarious titles (Forcefully married, Ruthlessly bedded...it really exists, no shit) and soporific, predictable plots, they still manage to hook you. You know what's going to happen in the end, but you still can't put them down. You know why?.

It's those happy endings.

Everybody loves happy endings because they seldom occur in real life. Real life's ugly, escapism, good. We read mills n boons and co. not for the story, but for that last page when the hero draws the heroine into his arms and tells her that they're going to be ok. We all want someone to tell us that it's going to be ok, to have our problems solved, to basically have that happy ending.

So yeah, I still read them occasionally, smuggling them inside some critically acclaimed bestseller. You know you do too.